Saturday, July 27, 2013

When You're Both A Mary And A Martha

Two days ago I found out that I would be a student manager in my college cafeteria this fall. The moment I heard the news, I jumped in the air with excitement! Not only would I have more responsibility, but I was thankful for the increase in pay. I'm going to Thailand this December, and I need as much money as possible to pay for the trip.
But yesterday I felt almost guilty to have the position. What if people see me a power-hungry workaholic? Because not only do I have this student manager position, but I work another job and go to school full-time. That's 25 hours of work and 15 hours of class, not including time for homework. I'm also the editor-in-chief of my college newspaper.
I'm not listing all of this out of pride, I'm just throwing it out there so maybe you'll understand how I feel.
To put it blatantly, I'm becoming worried of what people think of me. I'm scared that because I have achieved two positions of authority in addition to my role as a student, people will see me as some arrogant, busy person that has everything together.
I really don't want to be see as that. And I really don't have everything together.
But is it that horrible to have a schedule that fits everything together so well?
I honestly enjoy all of the roles and tasks that fill my plate. I may not thoroughly enjoy them every moment and I may become frustrated and overwhelmed at times, but I find joy out of having a busy schedule.
And it's not like I never have time to spend time with people and with the Lord.
I really try to maintain strong relationships with people, whether they're close or far away. I make an effort to contact my friends on a weekly effort, because I care for them and want to hear about what's going on in their lives.
And I do spend time with the Lord every day. It may not be an hour-long time in worship just soaking in His presence, but I do try to hear Him and interact with Him on a constant basis. I love His presence, and all I really want is to be led by His Spirit and to know His heart more.
I'm realizing that I have a spirit like Mary's in a schedule like Martha's. But is that even possible? Can my spirit truly be at rest while involved in so much?

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