I Don't Have To Understand

I lean not on my own understanding,
my life is in the hands of the Maker of heaven.
(from "Nothing I Hold On To" by United Pursuit Band)

These lyrics always shake my human will whenever I hear them. You mean I can't know everything? I can't control everything?
As humans, we suffer from a disease of wanting to control everything and know everything. We are paralyzed when we cannot see the end of the situation before us. We are crippled when we do not know the answer to a friend's question.

The other day I started to freak out over the finances I need to pay for my trip to Thailand: $3,000. At the bare minimum.
That number is not so welcoming to my bank account.
I started scribbling in my journal the reasons why I wouldn't be able to collect that much money before the end of November.
"I can only work so much. I can only bake so much (for the bake sale I'm going to use to fundraise). I can only send out so many support letters. I can only sell so many of my belongings. Am I just making this all up in my head? Someone's going to have to tell me that this is what I'm supposed to be doing."

And then it hit me. The verse dropped in my head like a coin being tossed in a wishing well.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

Wow. Just read that again. Especially the second sentence!
We don't have to understand things, because the peace of God is greater than that. We can have peace even in our confusion!
God reminded me that even though I have no idea how I'm going to come up with $3,000 for Thailand, He will make a way. I don't have to be stressed and frazzled. All I need to do is rest in His presence and let His peace cover me.

Because, here's the deal: When we allow confusion or worry to overcome us, we allow the devil to twist our thoughts and pour fear into us. Although it doesn't seem like an attack while it's occurring, it's the devil's way of taking our trust off of God and putting it in ourselves instead -- which isn't much, since we are weak and don't have the ability to see the outcome of things.

God's peace is our shield against these attacks. God's peace repels the daunting questions that pierce our human tendency to understand and control everything.

So instead of trying to understand how I'm going to pay for Thailand, I'm just going to let God do His work. I'm going to abide in His presence every day in order to be protected from attacks from the devil. I'm going to point my ears and my heart towards heaven and listen to God reaffirm in me that I am His daughter being used for His kingdom. And I'm going to work wholeheartedly, yet peacefully, on finding the finances needed to go to Thailand.

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FOR THAILAND, AND GOD'S PEOPLE LIVING THERE. BECAUSE THEY DESERVE JUSTICE.